One day, Satan stood up from his throne and looked around at the place he now called home. He began to wonder to himself about how his influence in the world was going. Quickly snapping his fingers together loudly, he called forward a high-ranking demon servant. "Open the scroll and give me the statistics of our advancement throughout the earth!" Satan demanded. "At once, your greatness" the demon replied, bowing low. "Things are going even better then we had anticipated". "Excellent!" snarled Satan. "Now..fill me in on the details." The demon chuckled and began to read:"Here are the highlights from our most recent progress report, Sir:"
"Eighty-two percent of all abortions are performed on unmarried women, forty-seven percent of women who have abortions had at least one previous abortion, forty percent of pregnancies among white women, sixty-nine percent among blacks and fifty-four percent among Hispanics are unintended. And four in ten of those unintended pregnancies are terminated by abortion. And let's not forget the over fifty-two million babies that are now dead as the result of "choice"...or as I like to say:convenience." "Good! Good!" replied Satan. "Tell me more!" "Check this out" said the demon.
"Every thirty-nine minutes, a new pornographic video is being created in the United States. The US porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC. In fact, the pornography industry is larger than the revenues of the top technology companies combined(Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink)" "And they call themselves a Christian nation...HA!" Satan laughed. "..And it is reported that forty-seven percent of Christians in the United States say pornography is a major problem in their home" said the demon. "What brilliant work we have done!" Satan replied. The demon took another look at the list. "Here are more, goodies for you, Sir:Eighty-nine percent of sexual solicitations of youth are made in internet chat rooms. Up to forty percent of child molestation involves homosexuality. Boys molested by men are almost four times more likely to become homosexual or bisexual than boys who were not molested. B-B-But I was born this way!" Snickered the demon.
"Three out of every four teenagers have engaged in at least one type of witchcraft-related activity, such as using a Ouija board or practicing Wicca. And what's even better is fewer than three out of every ten churched teenagers receive any teaching from their church about elements of the occult. Need I even bring up how many people now follow a New Age belief? Astrology is on the rise, as is goddess and nature worship, trust in reincarnation, and karma. More now then ever follow horoscopes, spirit-guides, and interest in the paranormal is at an all-time high. Wicca is becoming the fastest-growing religion in the United States. We're also seeing an increase in white magic, Tarot card reading, and spell casting."
"Thank you, mister Harry Potter" said Satan with a grin. The demon grinned back. "Eighty-five percent of religious followers say many religions(not just their own) can lead to eternal life. And hey, Oprah agrees! One in four adults think of God only as an impersonal force...whoa, maybe he's Casper the Friendly Ghost." *snicker* Sixty-eight percent say there's more than one true way to interpret the teachings of their religion. Seventy-four percent believe that simply living a good life qualifies them for Heaven. And more than two out of every five adults believes that when Jesus Christ lived on Earth, He was completely human and committed sins just like everyone else."
"Thanks to our effort, young people now make up a significant portion of those "unaffiliated" with a religion. Keep it up, kids! Fifty-seven percent of adults say that the devil is not a living being..but is only a symbol of evil, while forty-six percent of "born again" Christians completely deny your existence all together." Satan clapped his hands together:"Those fools!"
"When it comes to the major world religions, twenty-eight percent of the countries of the world have a minority Christian population. One point two billion are Muslim, more then eight-hundred million are Hindu, and less then four percent of Europeans even have a personal relationship with Jesus or actively follow Him. While eight-hundred and fifty million people are Agnostic or Atheist. And let's not forget the biggest scam of all, so-called "universal salvation"." "Haa! This is even better news then I imagined!" replied Satan.
Satan turned from his gaze at the earth and slowly returned to the throne. "I couldn't be more pleased with this report..but there is still much left to be done. Every day, ninety-three thousand people will die without accepting Christ as their personal Savior;and we need to keep it that way. Because as we all know, time is running out as Jesus could return for His church at any moment." "This is true" replied the demon. "Well?!" Roared Satan. "WHY are you still here?! GET BACK TO WORK!"
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